Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Mother's Day

Mixed emotions about Mother's Day this year...dont' get me wrong it was good...had my youngest grandson, so Naomi/Mike/Logan could go to the Astros game with his ball team...Jack was so fun to have, he always is...he's our little "character" for sure...Logan is my little sweetheart and Jack is our little "character", both sweethearts, but so different...and I luv them both more and more each day...

Went to the cemetary to put flowers out there for my Mom...Jack asked where she was, just pointed to the headstone, he bent down and kissed her headstone...yep...totally lost it then...I'm trying to get used to Mother being gone...and I am...but some days...just don't do it too well...this was one of those days I guess...

My friend, Carolyn had emailed me during the night asking for some help...she wasn't very plain in the mail what was going on, so when I saw Sue, our mutual friend at church, I asked her if she had heard from Carolyn, yes, but her voicemail was confusing...felt stupid with the next step...I pulled my cell phone out of my purse to call Frances to ask her if Carolyn was ok...the whole time I was telling Sue...I'll call Frances, she'll know what's going on and what we need to do...Sue just looked at me...when I looked up, we were both bawling like babies...I think that's when it hit me...Frances was gone...she was really gone...just like Mother was gone...is gone...I remember when Chase and Ed passed away...the first Easter I went and put plastic eggs filled with rocks (so the ants wouldn't be on his grave) in them on his grave...that's when it hit me...Chase was gone...and I didn't want him to be gone...I wanted him back...I wasn't ready to give him up...but I couldn't do anything about it...bawled worse than a baby...still do...

I still miss you Mother...I miss you Chase...Ed...Uncle Bill...I miss you Frances...silly old woman...worry wart...I miss you...luv u all...miss you forever...and bawling like a baby now...glad I'm by myself...but I guess I'm really not...I know God will continue to get me through this...always has and always will...eternally grateful...silly old cry baby woman...

1 comment:

Naomi said...

I miss them all too. It sounds bad, but I'll go a while and just not think about them. And then it hits with a force and there is nothing to do but cry it out. Love you.